Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Steel Enema for the Japanese

Paul 'Steely Dan' Watson, captain of the vessel Farley Mowat, is a man of unique beliefs.
In some ways, he and I aren't that different. He loves whales, and so do I. I think they're splendid creatures, a sight truly beautiful to behold, and even more beautiful to taste.

I tasted my first whale in Osaka. I remember it very well; a high-rise restaurant in the lovely Rihga Royal, sipping the divine Asahi Black, which is the best stout beer one can find, as far as I'm concerned. And the whale; whilst words shall never do justice to such olfactory and gustatory delights, a comparison to the finest qualities of bacon, steak, and salmon would not be misleading. Thus it is vital that we preserve the whale population, and indeed encourage growth. Unfortunately, there are certain Japanese Vessels who inappropriately whale under the wrong conditions, in the wrong areas. Such actions haved jeopardised the whale population, and as such action should be taken against it, especially as international water policing forces are reluctant to uphold their international laws. Watson and I agree on this point.

Unlike myself, however, Watson is also accustomed to performing enemas on a mass scale.
"Perhaps it's time to give [the Japanese] a steel enema they will never forget.'' says Watson.

It's a unique solution to the problem of over-whaling, one that I wouldn't have thought of personally, but Watson has over 30 years in the field of steel enemas. It's also a rather more culturally specific solution- I'm aware that certain Japanese find the act of the enema rather enticing, and indeed erotic. So this move should be seen not as an act of the iron fist, but as an act of the velvet glove.

Whilst it may seem to us a unique, even bizarre suggestion for persuading the Japanese Whalers into conversation, we can't place our Western sexual anxieties ahead of the whales.

After all, so called anti-whaling countries such as Australia, New Zealand and the US merely boycott conversations with the Japanese on the issue.

I'm glad to see some action taken.

Watson, and the Mowat, pre-enema phase of the operation.

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