Hilarious

I was scrolling along through my bookmarks and by accident clicked onto the blog of my schoolmate Tristan. Well, I decided to read through his lengthy posts, in particular his soppy post entitled "Fate it may be called". Poor guys had a run of bad luck with the ladies, it seems.
Got into a relationship with a girl who had to go overseas. A sad story indeed.

Then I read the comment on that post. Enter 豪. Another schoolmate of mine, a very good one in fact- it's Tommy Wong, 豪 is a part of his Chinese name. He's a very sensitive, passionate young man, and he was obviously very moved by Tristans tragic turn of events.

So struck with woe was Tommy by this post that he was implored to comment:







"Tristan you are still an idiot...."

Oh Lordy. Lordy lordy lordy.
I'm still in hysterics with laughter.

I've gone on to read Tommy's blog, which he updates with stunning regularity. It's in traditional Chinese, unfortunately, so it's an effort for me to read. He does inject occasional English in there too, so I'm doing my best to figure out what precluded Tommy to say:

"I am good at women and he is good at gambling...WTF..."

From what I can make out he's saying he's like a brother of his friend Paul. Thus Paul is the gambler, and Tommy is the ladies man (coloured wolf, as we say in Chinese). Surely not my friend Paul...but then again...call it a coincidence, but taken from my friend Paul's blog:

"I'm not a huge gambler (probably because I don't have the dosh?). I can't see much enjoyment in it, and I've heard too many bad stories for it to arouse any sort of interest/addiction in me. But I have tried it. Twice. Both times, I ended up with more than I put in! Both times, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing."

It's all connected, I'm sure of it. In fact, call it a pre-mature conclusion, but if you observe these two photos, I think you'd be hard pressed to say that they weren't in fact identical twins, albeit with different lusts; one loves women, the other loves money. But isn't that really two sides of the same personality? Food for thought, in any event.


THE LADIES MAN

THE GAMBLER

The Stupidest Forums in Existence

Well, before I post the next episode in my Chinese serial, I have to bring to everyone's attention the hilarious debate going on over in the Internet Movie Database forums for the film Memento.

I should probably warn people who haven't seen the film not to read on, not because I'll spoil it, but because you probably won't get the point of the post.

The IMDB is famous for gestating some of the most ridiculous and moronic comments on the net. If there's a film you love, or hate, just visit its page on the site and see what the web's collective idiots have to say about it. You'll be fuming in no time. There's some smart people who post there, but they're certainly the minority.

Nevertheless, if one can keep this in mind, it's usually very entertaining to see the latest threads.
I watched Memento again the other night, with a friend who hadn't seen it. We both agreed it's a fantastic film (a favourite of mine in fact), but try telling this to some of the posters in that forum.

In particular, some half-wit created a thread called Anybody ever told this guy about this Invention called a Video Camera?

Indeed. Some guys went on to suggest Leonard should have carried around

a) A mini-dv camera with an LCD screen and audio playback
b) A hidden spy-camera which would be uploaded to a laptop (voice activated, of course)
c) A mini-disc recorder with 'secret microphone'
d) a PDA

As opposed to his notebook and polaroid. Apparently a man who will murder an innocent man, steal his expensive suit from his dying body and then take his Jaguar (with two hundred thousand dollars in the boot) will have a problem obtaining film for his polaroid camera, because it's too expensive at $1 a shot- this is according to one of the posters. Apparently it makes a whole lot more sense for Lenny to be using a high-tech camera of some sort. The same moron also claimed Lenny should have gotten parking tickets; nevermind the fact that he's driving another man's car.

There's people who argue against this stupidity, but unfortunately they seem to suffer from room temperature IQs themselves.
The weird thing is two of the main debaters claim they each possess a phD! The one arguing against the stupid suggestion is apparently holds a doctorate in Organic Chemistry, whilst the proponent of the hi-tech shit claims a doctorate in Computer Science.


I really hope they're both lying. Because it's a scary thought indeed that phD graduates could be this fuck-witted.


You can see my response, in which I hypothesise a revised script with their suggested changes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/board/thread/47597605?d=51917749#51917749

You can also read their earlier claims, but it'll take you most of the day, and their shit-brain-syndrome might be contagious.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/board/thread/47597605

UPDATE:
I have since realised it was just as stupid of me to get involved....which makes me the stupidest BLOGGER in existence. Well, damn.

Crouching Rabbit Hidden Onion

For Written Chinese this semester I'm required to write a short passage each week, and it supposed to be continuous. Almost everyone else in the class are doing diaries of their lives, which are mind-numbingly boring to read, and one can only guess that to live such a life would be even more pointless and depressing. But I could be wrong.

In any event, I thought it was a great oppourtunity for a story told in weekly installments.
The first chapter was called Crouching Rabbit Hidden Onion, because in Mandarin it sounds similar to Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Whilst my Chinese no doubt has a lot of errors in it, I'll publish it for the public to ridicule, and I'll give a translation too. So without further ado..

<<卧兔藏葱>>

莎士比亚就是说:什么在名字？

其实，名子在生活里的有很多重要性.

兔子有很多兄弟姐妹。 连父母亲也不知道每个兔子的名字。 虽然，有一天下午一个小兔子在森林，正在吃草。 他突然看了一个葱。 出乎意料，这个葱会说。

葱说：你叫什么名字？

兔子就说：我？我。。我忘了

葱说：那我给你新的名字。 您叫。。。兔深

兔深说：兔深？很好名字。 你呢？你叫什么名字？

葱说：我是聪明葱。再见啦

突然葱就消失。兔深说“再见啦？他一定是从新加坡来的”

<>
Shakespeare said: "What's in a name?"

In fact, names have great importance in our lives.

Rabbits have lots of brothers and sisters. Even the parents don't know every child's name. Although, one afternoon a small rabbit was in the forrest eating grass. He suddenly saw an onion. Strangely enough, this onion could speak.

Onion: What's your name?
Rabbit: I...I...I've forgotten..
Onion: Then I'll give you a new name. Your name is... Rabbit Deep
Rabbit Deep: Rabbit Deep? Cool name. And you? What's your name?
Onion: My name is...Intelligent Onion. Bye bye lah!

Suddenly the onion just disappeared. Rabbit Deep said "Bye Bye lah? He's definitely from Singapore".
-The End

Well, it's not quite Pynchon or Kerouac. Yet. But believe me compared to those diaries, this is full-blown excitement.

In other news, my good friend Paul has started a new blog. He's an old timer of blogs, and a man of great wit, so I advise everyone to read it. He's not in Japan, but that just means he'll be sour and funny in Cairns.

A Review of the Arts

I've been rather fortunate recently to have been impressed by that which I watch, read and listen to.

I saw Miami Vice this evening, and it was all that I'd hoped. Michael Mann has always been a favourite director of mine, especially with his film Heat. This film version of Miami Vice doesn't seem to really pay too much of a homage to the t.v series, from what I understand, but I think that's probably a good thing. A 1980's period film wouldn't have worked very well unless it was a comedy. Perhaps the only thing that remains is awesome vehicles, because the automobiles are certainly very, very impressive. The film is hyper-realistic, in the same way that Heat and Collateral were. And even more so in the photography, which is now handled entirely by Dion Beebe, who shows his ability to work with digital here. I remember some friends of mine cynically suggesting this film would be just another action film, to which I replied, simply, "It's Michael Mann". And it seems I was right, because although there are some spectacular action sequences, they are few. The film is instead more concerned characters, particularly Sonny.
The storyline moves ahead pretty fast and there's no simplification, so in that aspect it's similar to Syriana. But it also has some very poignant moments, and it is these which I love the most.

I bought The Soft Bulletin by The Flaming Lips yesterday, and it's an incredible piece of work. The orchestrations in it are beautiful, and Wayne Coyne's lyrics are simple yet very deep and thought provoking. In each of their albums they create a universe of their own, and in The Soft Bulletin it's the nicest of them all. The Flaming Lips now have reached my top 4 favourite bands. From what I've read, their live shows are stunning. I'd like to see them very much.

And I started reading Crash, by J.G Ballard. It's quite shocking, but it's also beautifully written and has a very interesting commentary on modern society. I'm enjoying it tremendously.